"Affection Isn’t Obligation: My Side of the Call”

 

💔 “You Don’t Love the One Who Heals You — You Heal Yourself First”

Yesterday, something unexpected happened.
Not the type that shocks you, but the one that quietly shakes something inside.
A guy friend — someone I’ve known for years — said he “loves” me.

It wasn’t poetic.
It wasn’t sober either.
It was messy, over a call, with alcohol in the mix and a long pause after:

“Tum humko karti ho ki nahin?”

And there I was — stuck between friendship and forced emotion.
Between truth and tolerance.

🧠 Let’s pause. And think — What is love, really?

Is it something you discover when you’re vulnerable and drunk?
Is it a person you suddenly notice after years of talking about other girls?
Is love… a fixer?
A therapist?
A mother?

Because that’s what he said:

“Tum hi ho jo mujhe sudhar sakti ho.”

But let me ask something —
Why do we expect someone else to fix us when we’re broken?
Is it really love?
Or is it the comfort of someone emotionally available when the world turns away?

🔍 The Psychology Behind “Suddenly Falling”

Sudden confessions aren’t always sudden.
Psychology calls this emotional transference — when someone shifts all their internal needs, hopes, and unresolved emotions onto the nearest person who listens.

It feels real.
It feels intense.
But it’s not stable.
It’s need, not love.

And when a person says:

“You’re the only one who can make me better,”
what they’re really doing is handing you their wounds —
expecting you to become their bandage.

That’s not love.
That’s emotional dependency.

💬 I said, “No.”

Not because I’m cold.
Not because I enjoy rejecting someone.
But because I don’t confuse affection with responsibility.

I am your friend.
I’m not your rehab.
I’m not here to fix you.
And love isn’t supposed to demand healing — it should inspire self-healing.

He asked again: “Hain ki na?”
And I repeated, “Main tumhari dost hoon. Bas.”

🌱 Some people confuse peace with love.

When they find someone calm, patient, and understanding —
They mistake it for romance.
But real love isn’t just about who soothes you.
It’s about who respects your space, your voice, your boundaries.

🖋️ So, here’s what I learnt:

  • Being emotionally available doesn’t mean you’re emotionally responsible.

  • You don’t owe love to someone just because they admire you.

  • And most importantly — no one can “sudhar” you unless you choose to grow.

To anyone reading this —
Don’t let emotional pressure wear a mask of affection.
And don’t carry someone’s chaos just because they call it love.

🕊️ Love isn’t fixing. Love is freeing.

If someone says “I love you” —
Make sure they’re not just asking for your oxygen while refusing to breathe on their own.

Because real love doesn’t say,

“You complete me.”
It says,
“I am whole, and I choose you.”

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